Why You Need a Feeling and Not a Theme at Your Wedding.
When I get a new inquiry, before we discuss packages and pricing, I start with asking questions about the couple as people. Rather than sending them a generic brochure, I instead ask them to tell me the story of how they met, if they have dogs, what they do for work, etc. Often, my client’s favorite questions is what their Pinterest wedding would look like. I love to hear about colors, flowers, and their dream venue. But I recently realized that all of that can be summed up by asking one simple question: how do they want their wedding to FEEL.
I think when I describe mine and Trev’s wedding, it is easier to explain how we want our wedding to feel. For example, at my parent’s house we like to have parties… and when I say parties, I mean our bonfires are 10-15 feet high, and people sleep in the yard if its warm or on any cloth surface in our home if it’s cold. Everyone brings food, the whole house is filled with laughter, and all are welcome at the Graves farm. Trev and I want our wedding to FEEL like one of our gatherings. We want everyone to have a small sense of coming home, of being comfortable and ready to celebrate a big occasion. I experience this with some of my clients and honestly I think it’s better that way. Here are the reasons I think you need a feeling for your wedding rather than a theme.
1.) A feeling is something that is permanent, whereas a theme can fluctuate. This is hard for me to explain so let me air it out a bit for you. If someone tells me their theme is “rustic boho chic,” to me that means they will have a lot of flowers and antiques. Don’t get me wrong, I am going to have a lot of those gorgeous things at my wedding, and I do not want you to read this post and think I am advocating for you to not decorate your wedding. However, consider this: parts of that theme such as flowers and antiques are things that can change. The flowers can be late or not in season, and the antiques may break or not match exactly. If you shift the way you think about your wedding as a FEELING rather than a theme, then almost nothing can change that. If you FEEL like your wedding is going the way you want and you see that feeling exhibited in the faces of those around you, then the wedding is a success. Parts of a theme can fail, but a feeling will last a lifetime. In this sense, a successful wedding is easier to achieve.
2.) It’s cheaper. My assistant Kristi told me last year the average couple in our country spent 30k on their wedding. LIKE, WHAT?! If you choose to think about your wedding in terms of a feeling rather than a theme, you can skip on some stuff which saves you money (and I’m a huge fan of planning on a budget!). Take Trev and I for example. We opted out of a beautiful venue because we were afraid it wouldn’t convey the feeling we wanted. If we wanted our wedding to feel like a gathering of family at our farm, then we should have it at our family farm, thus eliminating the expense of a venue. Of course, this is unique to me and Trev, and if you find a venue that sparks joy (coming after Marie Kondo for real here) then absolutely go with that feeling. But if you are doing things to keep consistent with your theme and not doing anything to further the overall feel of your wedding, then it could probably be reevaluated. You can fall short of filling a big venue with all the stuff to match your theme, but you won’t care about that if you are achieving a feeling rather than just a theme.
3.) This is probably the weakest point of this argument because it’s super hard to articulate but bare with me. When you decorate with things that evoke a feeling, in my experience as a professional photographer, it looks better in the pictures. THERE, SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT. Conceptually, this can be anything. If you have a ton of flower pots that are super special to you, throw those bad boys out there! If you want to use a certain color on every imaginable surface then go right ahead. For me and Trev, we have put a lot of meaning into the things we are spending money on, and to us that makes them beautiful. For example:
We spent hours picking out flowers with our florist. We picked out lots of greenery because it’s my favorite color, lots of oranges because that’s Trev’s favorite color. Trev really likes symmetry so a lot of our flowers are very uniform in their bloom. We picked out floral decorations that mirrored some of our favorite movie weddings.
A good friend of ours is making us a macrame backdrop.
Our officiant is a family friend and we know them so seeing them up there with us is going to add to our day and not just be a part of it.
Trev’s ring will contain wood from the actual tree we are getting married under.
Those types of items will look SO much better to us because we love them on a personal level, and they aren’t just there to fill space. We are picking items that mean something to us, and I think that’s what makes them beautiful.
4.) I’m sure your wedding is beautiful; I bet there are flowers everywhere, your dress is amazing, and your table decorations are the most thought-out thing on the planet. But your photographer is looking to photograph the emotion. They will do the detail shots because we want you to remember those details, but we are so excited about the people who have come to celebrate your love. I, personally, want to photograph your grandmother wiping tears off her cheek and your little brother smiling wide as you say your vows. In my personal opinion, this is easier to do when you focus on how you want your wedding to feel. Hardly anyone looks at your table decorations and cries tears of joy… Below are some of my most emotional photos from 2018 and I can tell you they aren’t pictures of greenery.
So, Bride, give yourself a break. The theme is nice and it will guide your wedding planner in the right direction when it comes to decorations and putting together a cohesive event. But don’t get stressed out over the little things to match your Pinterest board, they won’t help you achieve happiness on your big day.
Until next time,
Mer.