Planning a Wedding Sucks.

I am an enneagram 5, which means I fixate on things, love to research, and place a heavy emphasis on knowledge and skills. What it also means is that when I don’t know something or I am not good at something I am the first to admit it. Hiking with asthma? Not good. Recalling the geopolitical dynamics that lead to WWII? Good. Math and anything with numbers? Very not good. Watching the news every night and reading? Good. Pull ups? Not really related here, but also very not good. Sad really. So here comes the one that I think will surprise some people.

Planning a wedding?

Not good.

There were so many times throughout our planning process where I was just flabbergasted at how horrible I was at wedding planning. In true 5 fashion, here are the lessons I learned from planning my own wedding. Or in other words, this is a well thought out, pre drafted and edited essay on a topic no one asked for and barely anyone cares about. 

1.) First, girlfriend, you have to accept that it is okay you hate this whole process. There are literally MILLIONS of people who do this as a profession and are really good at it. So if you feel so inclined and have a budget for it, hire someone who LOVES this type of stuff. Or if you’re like me, take a poll of your friends and really lean on the ones you want to help you. I have two friends that had been dreaming of my wedding the same time if not longer than I had so they were a big help. 

2.) If you do want to hire someone, for anything, make sure that you 100% are comfortable with their craft and then let them do whatever they hell they want with your vision. Shayna Rogers is a good friend of mine, who is also a very talented graphic designer. Truthfully, she is a past client as well and when she sent me her invite for her wedding, THAT SHE HANDMADE AND DESIGNED, I got super jealous and was like, “I want dis.” So Trev and I gave her a general idea, let her run with it, and they were perfect. 

3.) Things not to skimp on: Photographer, Food, Florals. 

Photographer because- Well duh, I am in the industry after all and I know what a shit photographer is capable of. 

Food- Having someone who will show up on time, with hot food, and clean up? IT MEANS MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER KNOW. PAY THEIR WEIGHT IN GOLD.

Florals- That is more of a personal preference but it is important to have one or two things that you love and splurge on it. I chose florals and a really boujie potty trailer for my guests so we didn’t overwhelm the septic system at my parents house. 

4.) Have a plan for clean up. For reference our wedding was in my parent’s front yard, with a white pole tent, wooden garden chairs, folding tables with white table cloths, hand stained candle sticks, and individual clear bud vases, edison bulbs strung throughout the tent, and we provided all of our own alcohol. Having our wedding at the farm was super important to us for a few reasons. a.) It felt like the closest thing to having dad there with us and b.) Trev’s wedding ring has wood in it from the tree we got married under in June 2019, and we wanted to bring it full circle there in October. But what that all meant was A TON OF TRASH that we were solely responsible for. Like a ton and lots of clean up. I think some venues require you to come back and clean or at least be out and picked up by a certain time, and if they do, make a plan now. Have someone help clean up, actually have LOTS of someones clean up. If not, you WILL be hung over the next morning crushed by a huge folding table and cutting your fingers with box cutters BECAUSE THAT WAS ME I LIVED THAT. If your venue allows you to just walk out and they will clean up for you? Pay them more money. If your planner cleans up for you? Make them the godparent of your children. Also have a trash or recycling plan for after the wedding because every gift you get comes in exactly 9 different boxes and I now have a deeply rooted hatred for cardboard. 

Pictured here are the hand stained candle sticks, wooden slabs we cut from trees on our property to catch the wax, Shayna printed table numbers and loaned us the stands, and Saige brought with her the amber jar bud vases.

5.) Try and reduce waste in general. It is hard but damn it weddings are wasteful. I mean in the end it is a romanesque party that you will probably never have again but with that comes waste. Here are some tips: Trev and I bought things for decorations we planned to use for decorating in our future home. The Edison bulbs will go up in our back yard, the candle sticks and vases will be reused, and the mirror is now on our mantle. Rent EVERYTHING that you can so it goes back and can be used again. Choose floral arrangements that have multiple buds in fun vases or glasses so that they can be pulled and reused for the week after the wedding, rather than large stationary floral arrangements that no one can fit in their house. We gathered all the florals from the tables and made them into a bouquet for my grandma the day after our wedding and then dried the others for keepsakes. Ask your caterer if you can keep the leftovers and how are they boxed up at the end of the night. Trev and I ate on those for a good week! Offer to go boxes next to the cake so that people can take some home to kids and to snack on. Lastly, my mom took care of HUGE beautiful mums for a week before our wedding that we used to line the isle with and she ended her parent of the bride speech with, “And seriously, everyone take a mum with you I am tired of watering them every night.” So it was pretty funny to see people toddle off at the end of the night with a 2 foot in diameter plant in front of their faces. 

6.) Try and not plan the honeymoon first. Trev and I planned and paid for an all inclusive Mediterranean cruise early on in the process and we were so proud. The trouble was after we did all that, all we wanted to do was go on the cruise and not wedding plan. We had to cancel our trip because of COVID so the second lesson here is ALWAYS get the insurance. 

7.) The things you do differently at your wedding will be your favorite and they will be the things that you remember. There were certain elements from my wedding that I took from popular wedding trends, like color pallets, some design elements, hairstyles, make up etc. But the thing that I really love is that two of my Dad’s best friends married Trev and I, reading off of a paper plate they had used to write notes down at their brainstorming meeting. Taking a shot of my dad’s favorite bourbon before walking down the isle. My dress had detachable sleeves for style AND comfort. Trevor refinished a family mirror for me and we had Shayna write our new shared name and wedding date on it so it could acted as our welcome sign. THOSE are the things that light up our faces when we talk about them. That and my very fancy porta potty trailer. 

8.) Make dinner reservations for you and your honey at your favorite restaurant the week of your wedding. I have always heard that you need to continue to date your spouse even after you are married and that is what that dinner was about. Trevor and I love a little restaurant in the river market called Le Fou Frog, so we spent one evening not talking about the wedding, dining on an outdoor patio, drinking french wine and it was perfect.

9.) Trevor contributed here saying that having a very detailed spreadsheet of who paid what and when was helpful. In addition you should always have a last minute budget for things that you are going to not realize you need until there are 48 hours to go. The other thing that helped us was having the date certain charges hit our account and what it was labeled under in the actual statements of our bank accounts. Some companies are owned by larger places with different names or process under different LLC’s and it was confusing for a bit. 

And finally 

10.)  Cross check your freaking registries. 

Sincerely yours, newly married couple with three cheese boards, salad spinners, and three milk frothers. 

Love you guys and it is good to be back. 

Mer. 

My amazing team of vendors that made my day absolutely amazing.

Photographers: Black Coffee Photo Adri and Nicole

Florals: Elizabeth Mckenzie Florals.

Dress: All My Heart Bridal

Makeup: Paradise Makeup LLC

Rentals: Marquee and Ultra Pom

Videography: Chris C Productions

Cake: Blue Thistle Cakes

DJ and Day of Coordination: All Set Events KC